Rise 'n Fall

After a 5 month hiatus from my blog, I'm back again. It has been a crazy past 5 months. The Fall is almost over even though the weather has been more like an Indian Summer. It is finally getting cold and Christmas is right around the corner.

I have been in the hospital more time than I wanted to, but the good news is that my kidney is doing fine. After switching medications and 2 rounds of plasmapheresis, I'm finally doing well with monthly infusions of Simulect. My creatinine is down near 1. I haven't had that kind of number since a was a child. However, I got the CMV virus from my new kidney and now I'm on IV treatments twice a day. I've been able to do to treatments at home, but there has been a real fiasco with the meds.

As I write this I am hooked up to this rather large IV pump thanks to Medicare not paying for the portable medicine bottles that don't require such equipment, which the pharmacy sent me for 2 weeks by accident. They were pretty cool. Now I have to figure out how to travel to Shands for my appointment this week. Hopefully, I will be off of this before Christmas.

In other news, I am going to continue to work on the Young Women's Progress. I have 2 values finished and 6 to go. I am currently working on Choice & Accountability and Knowledge. These will be my next entries in this blog.

Independence Day

Two weeks ago, Bryan and I were visiting my family for the 4th of July weekend on the East Coast of Florida. We had a great time. I even got to see my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew who came up from Vero Beach. Monday morning, we planned on meeting up for breakfast before we left. But at 8:15 am, I received a call from Shands. They had a kidney for me if I wanted it.

So we got ready, quickly packed our stuff, said our goodbyes, made a number of frantic phones, and left for Gainesville within the hour. After getting there in good time, checking in, and finally getting all the usual suspects done, they found that my potassium was way too high for surgery and had to dialyze me. So after much ado of filtering, I was finally moved to outside of the OR. Realizing that they didn't check my potassium at the end of dialysis, they had to try and get a blood sample. After about 3 attempts, and 2 bad readers, the doctor said, "Ok, lay her back. We're going for the jugular." Well, that was fun...and then I was in the O.R...and...

Next thing I knew it was 4 am and they were transfering me to my hospital bed. I recovered in good time and was able to leave on the Saturday after, though I had to be back down in Gainesville for Clinic on Monday. The first week after was rough. I gained 20 lbs of fluid and by Thursday, had luckily lost it. The second week was not quite as bad, but definitely a challenge to push through the weaknesses and pain.

The Plan of Salvation (Faith VE6)

My testimony of the plan of salvation began with my search for a spiritual purpose. I am a scientist; however, that doesn’t mean that I cannot believe in a higher power and a higher law. I have always believed that we are not alone and that our souls are infinite. The thought of the spirit, the essence of the soul, dying terrified me. Going through my trials with my health, I always felt that there was someone or something watch over me. I dabbled in many forms of religion and spirituality for the first few years of college. It wasn’t until I investigated the LDS church and the missionaries taught me about the Plan of Salvation that something in my soul stirred up to remembrance of a truth that I knew all along.

In the pre-mortal existence, our spirits (or intelligences) were organized and we helped create the Earth. We are then born into mortality forgetting our previous existence due to the veil. We gain bodies and experiences that will prepare us for after this life. When we die in this mortal sphere, our spirits go to the Spirit World which is on Earth, but is separated by a veil. This veil can be thin at times. The spirit world is separated into “Paradise” and “Prision.” Here we will continue to teach, learn, and progress before we will be judged. When we are finally judged and resurrected, we will be placed in one of 3 degrees of glory. The Celestial World is the highest and is also separated into 3 levels. This is where our Heavenly Father resides. The following is my depiction of the plan of salvation.

The plan of salvation is a test of our faith and is not possible without the atonement. Without making the choice to follow our Heavenly Fathers plan of redemption in the pre-mortal existence, we would not have the plan. In addition, without the atonement, the resurrection would not be possible. We also would not be able to progress and become like our Father in Heaven, and our family relationships would be for naught. The plan of salvation helps me know that there is life after death, and my choices and actions in this life will affect my future in the next. It is simple yet powerful truth that means so much to our purpose of life.

The Atonement (Faith VE5)

My testimony of the atonement begins with my conversion to the church. Reading the Book of Mormon and learning about the plan of salvation taught me that none of it is possible (including the priesthood and the sealing of families together) without the atonement. I have always had a stronger testimony of the Father and the Spirit, but struggled for a long time with the Savior. I leaned on what Alma says in verse 27: “But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.”

Unlike those that are moved deeply by the crucifixion, my testimony of the atonement to me is more logically based. Alma 34 is one of my favorite chapters in the Book of Mormon. Verses 8-16 describes the logic of the atonement. It is not that I don’t have feeling for Christ and what he did for us; however, I know that it was necessary. There is a phrase that many young Christians like to used: “WWJD,” or “What Would Jesus Do.” I think about what I would do if I was able to save the world, a world that I loved and created, with a perfect love. I can only strive to be as courageous, selfless, enduring, and charitable as Christ was.

It is always interesting to read the gospels of New Testament. Christ knows what must happen and why, but the apostles don’t understand. Even though the Savior tries to teach them, it probably wasn’t until the day of Pentecost when the Spirit was upon them when they realized the significance of the atonement.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.” (John 3:16-17)

The Sacrament (Faith VE4)

Some of my favorite hymns are sacrament hymns. One of my favorites is “In Humility, Our Savior.” In the past month, we have sang in twice in sacrament meeting. The words are especially meaningful to read and ponder during the sacrament.

Verse 1

In humility, our Savior,
Grant thy Spirit here, we pray,
As we bless the bread and water
In thy name this holy day.
Let me not forget, O Savior,
Thou didst bleed and die for me
When thy heart was stilled and broken
On the cross at Calvary.
Verse 2

Fill our hearts with sweet forgiving;
Teach us tolerance and love.
Let our prayers find access to thee
In thy holy courts above.
Then, when we have proven worthy
Of thy sacrifice divine,
Lord, let us regain thy presence;
Let thy glory round us shine.

When we take the sacrament, we promise to take upon the name of Christ, always remember Him and keep the commandments which have been given to us. When we do this we are promised to always have His Spirit to be with us (D&C 20:75-79). In addition, we also renew the covenants we made at baptism. These include being called the Lord’s people, willing to bear one another's burdens, willing to mourn with those that mourn; comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places. The promises of which include that we may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that we may have eternal life. Or in short, serve the Lord and keep His commandments, that He may pour out His Spirit more abundantly upon us. (Mosiah 18:8-10) This just happens to also be what the sacrament prayer says.

Blessings of Prayer (Faith VE3)

Today we had a Family Home Evening and talked about Faith and Prayer. We watched “Lessons from the Lord’s Prayers” by Elder Russell M. Nelson from General Conference in April 2009.

Prayer has played an important part in my faith and testimony. Prayer and faith have helped me get through my toughest times. We have been told to pray and to pray often. I know I don’t pray often enough. Prayer can make us feel vulnerable, but that isn’t a bad thing. We just need to realize who is really in control. When we pray with sincerity and faith, we are opening up ourselves to blessings.

Back in 2007, I needed to decide on what type of dialysis I was going to do. While visiting the temple, I prayed about it and had a feeling that regardless of what I chose, it would all work out. Since that time, I have had a number of issues trying to get a working fistula, had a transplant that was rejected, and just last month, I had to get a clot removed from my arm. In the end, though, I don’t regret my decision to do hemodialysis. I think I probably would have had just as many issues with PD. It was an interesting concept, though, for me to know that Heavenly Father trusted me to make a choice between two paths each of which having no promise of being any easier than the other. It really came down to faith itself.

Faith at Home (Faith VE2)

Today is the day we focus on mothers. That means it is the perfect time to do my next Value Experience for Faith. The assignment is to discuss the qualities a woman needs to teach children to have faith and to base their decisions on gospel truths, and to discuss how these principles help you in your life today and help you prepare to be a mother.

According to the Family Proclamation:
“Parents have sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. …Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”

There were also a number of talks at Conference in April about Parenting. The focus is primarily on teaching gospel truths in the home in defense against adversity.


L. Tom Perry taught, “Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today’s world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking, attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the family. Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. While other institutions, such as church and school, can assist parents to “train up a child in the way he [or she] should go” (Proverbs 22:6), ultimately this responsibility rests with parents. According to the great plan of happiness, it is parents who are entrusted with the care and development of our Heavenly Father’s children. Our families are an integral part of His work and glory—“to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). On God’s eternal stage, it is usually intended that parents act as the central cast members in their children’s lives. Fortunately, there are understudies involved in the production who may step in when parents can’t. It, however, is parents who have been commanded by the Lord to bring up their children in light and truth (see D&C 93:40).” (Mothers Teaching Children in the Home, April 2010 Conference)

I think about the struggles that I have gone through and hope I can be a strength for my children. I am grateful for the gospel and hope that my children will have testimonies early on in their lives. I can’t yet imagine the trials they will have to go through as the later-days wind down. It gives me more of a reason to be diligent and keep my testimony strong.

David A. Bednar taught, “Spiritual warnings should lead to increasingly vigilant watching…This early warning system applies to children of all ages and contains three basic components: (1) reading and talking about the Book of Mormon with your children, (2) bearing testimony of gospel truths spontaneously with your children, and (3) inviting children as gospel learners to act and not merely be acted upon. Parents who do these things faithfully will be blessed to recognize early signals of spiritual growth in or challenges with their children and be better prepared to receive inspiration to strengthen and help those children.” (Watching with All Perseverance, April 2010 Conference)