Rise 'n Fall

After a 5 month hiatus from my blog, I'm back again. It has been a crazy past 5 months. The Fall is almost over even though the weather has been more like an Indian Summer. It is finally getting cold and Christmas is right around the corner.

I have been in the hospital more time than I wanted to, but the good news is that my kidney is doing fine. After switching medications and 2 rounds of plasmapheresis, I'm finally doing well with monthly infusions of Simulect. My creatinine is down near 1. I haven't had that kind of number since a was a child. However, I got the CMV virus from my new kidney and now I'm on IV treatments twice a day. I've been able to do to treatments at home, but there has been a real fiasco with the meds.

As I write this I am hooked up to this rather large IV pump thanks to Medicare not paying for the portable medicine bottles that don't require such equipment, which the pharmacy sent me for 2 weeks by accident. They were pretty cool. Now I have to figure out how to travel to Shands for my appointment this week. Hopefully, I will be off of this before Christmas.

In other news, I am going to continue to work on the Young Women's Progress. I have 2 values finished and 6 to go. I am currently working on Choice & Accountability and Knowledge. These will be my next entries in this blog.

Independence Day

Two weeks ago, Bryan and I were visiting my family for the 4th of July weekend on the East Coast of Florida. We had a great time. I even got to see my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew who came up from Vero Beach. Monday morning, we planned on meeting up for breakfast before we left. But at 8:15 am, I received a call from Shands. They had a kidney for me if I wanted it.

So we got ready, quickly packed our stuff, said our goodbyes, made a number of frantic phones, and left for Gainesville within the hour. After getting there in good time, checking in, and finally getting all the usual suspects done, they found that my potassium was way too high for surgery and had to dialyze me. So after much ado of filtering, I was finally moved to outside of the OR. Realizing that they didn't check my potassium at the end of dialysis, they had to try and get a blood sample. After about 3 attempts, and 2 bad readers, the doctor said, "Ok, lay her back. We're going for the jugular." Well, that was fun...and then I was in the O.R...and...

Next thing I knew it was 4 am and they were transfering me to my hospital bed. I recovered in good time and was able to leave on the Saturday after, though I had to be back down in Gainesville for Clinic on Monday. The first week after was rough. I gained 20 lbs of fluid and by Thursday, had luckily lost it. The second week was not quite as bad, but definitely a challenge to push through the weaknesses and pain.

The Plan of Salvation (Faith VE6)

My testimony of the plan of salvation began with my search for a spiritual purpose. I am a scientist; however, that doesn’t mean that I cannot believe in a higher power and a higher law. I have always believed that we are not alone and that our souls are infinite. The thought of the spirit, the essence of the soul, dying terrified me. Going through my trials with my health, I always felt that there was someone or something watch over me. I dabbled in many forms of religion and spirituality for the first few years of college. It wasn’t until I investigated the LDS church and the missionaries taught me about the Plan of Salvation that something in my soul stirred up to remembrance of a truth that I knew all along.

In the pre-mortal existence, our spirits (or intelligences) were organized and we helped create the Earth. We are then born into mortality forgetting our previous existence due to the veil. We gain bodies and experiences that will prepare us for after this life. When we die in this mortal sphere, our spirits go to the Spirit World which is on Earth, but is separated by a veil. This veil can be thin at times. The spirit world is separated into “Paradise” and “Prision.” Here we will continue to teach, learn, and progress before we will be judged. When we are finally judged and resurrected, we will be placed in one of 3 degrees of glory. The Celestial World is the highest and is also separated into 3 levels. This is where our Heavenly Father resides. The following is my depiction of the plan of salvation.

The plan of salvation is a test of our faith and is not possible without the atonement. Without making the choice to follow our Heavenly Fathers plan of redemption in the pre-mortal existence, we would not have the plan. In addition, without the atonement, the resurrection would not be possible. We also would not be able to progress and become like our Father in Heaven, and our family relationships would be for naught. The plan of salvation helps me know that there is life after death, and my choices and actions in this life will affect my future in the next. It is simple yet powerful truth that means so much to our purpose of life.

The Atonement (Faith VE5)

My testimony of the atonement begins with my conversion to the church. Reading the Book of Mormon and learning about the plan of salvation taught me that none of it is possible (including the priesthood and the sealing of families together) without the atonement. I have always had a stronger testimony of the Father and the Spirit, but struggled for a long time with the Savior. I leaned on what Alma says in verse 27: “But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.”

Unlike those that are moved deeply by the crucifixion, my testimony of the atonement to me is more logically based. Alma 34 is one of my favorite chapters in the Book of Mormon. Verses 8-16 describes the logic of the atonement. It is not that I don’t have feeling for Christ and what he did for us; however, I know that it was necessary. There is a phrase that many young Christians like to used: “WWJD,” or “What Would Jesus Do.” I think about what I would do if I was able to save the world, a world that I loved and created, with a perfect love. I can only strive to be as courageous, selfless, enduring, and charitable as Christ was.

It is always interesting to read the gospels of New Testament. Christ knows what must happen and why, but the apostles don’t understand. Even though the Savior tries to teach them, it probably wasn’t until the day of Pentecost when the Spirit was upon them when they realized the significance of the atonement.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.” (John 3:16-17)

The Sacrament (Faith VE4)

Some of my favorite hymns are sacrament hymns. One of my favorites is “In Humility, Our Savior.” In the past month, we have sang in twice in sacrament meeting. The words are especially meaningful to read and ponder during the sacrament.

Verse 1

In humility, our Savior,
Grant thy Spirit here, we pray,
As we bless the bread and water
In thy name this holy day.
Let me not forget, O Savior,
Thou didst bleed and die for me
When thy heart was stilled and broken
On the cross at Calvary.
Verse 2

Fill our hearts with sweet forgiving;
Teach us tolerance and love.
Let our prayers find access to thee
In thy holy courts above.
Then, when we have proven worthy
Of thy sacrifice divine,
Lord, let us regain thy presence;
Let thy glory round us shine.

When we take the sacrament, we promise to take upon the name of Christ, always remember Him and keep the commandments which have been given to us. When we do this we are promised to always have His Spirit to be with us (D&C 20:75-79). In addition, we also renew the covenants we made at baptism. These include being called the Lord’s people, willing to bear one another's burdens, willing to mourn with those that mourn; comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places. The promises of which include that we may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that we may have eternal life. Or in short, serve the Lord and keep His commandments, that He may pour out His Spirit more abundantly upon us. (Mosiah 18:8-10) This just happens to also be what the sacrament prayer says.

Blessings of Prayer (Faith VE3)

Today we had a Family Home Evening and talked about Faith and Prayer. We watched “Lessons from the Lord’s Prayers” by Elder Russell M. Nelson from General Conference in April 2009.

Prayer has played an important part in my faith and testimony. Prayer and faith have helped me get through my toughest times. We have been told to pray and to pray often. I know I don’t pray often enough. Prayer can make us feel vulnerable, but that isn’t a bad thing. We just need to realize who is really in control. When we pray with sincerity and faith, we are opening up ourselves to blessings.

Back in 2007, I needed to decide on what type of dialysis I was going to do. While visiting the temple, I prayed about it and had a feeling that regardless of what I chose, it would all work out. Since that time, I have had a number of issues trying to get a working fistula, had a transplant that was rejected, and just last month, I had to get a clot removed from my arm. In the end, though, I don’t regret my decision to do hemodialysis. I think I probably would have had just as many issues with PD. It was an interesting concept, though, for me to know that Heavenly Father trusted me to make a choice between two paths each of which having no promise of being any easier than the other. It really came down to faith itself.

Faith at Home (Faith VE2)

Today is the day we focus on mothers. That means it is the perfect time to do my next Value Experience for Faith. The assignment is to discuss the qualities a woman needs to teach children to have faith and to base their decisions on gospel truths, and to discuss how these principles help you in your life today and help you prepare to be a mother.

According to the Family Proclamation:
“Parents have sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. …Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”

There were also a number of talks at Conference in April about Parenting. The focus is primarily on teaching gospel truths in the home in defense against adversity.


L. Tom Perry taught, “Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today’s world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking, attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the family. Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. While other institutions, such as church and school, can assist parents to “train up a child in the way he [or she] should go” (Proverbs 22:6), ultimately this responsibility rests with parents. According to the great plan of happiness, it is parents who are entrusted with the care and development of our Heavenly Father’s children. Our families are an integral part of His work and glory—“to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). On God’s eternal stage, it is usually intended that parents act as the central cast members in their children’s lives. Fortunately, there are understudies involved in the production who may step in when parents can’t. It, however, is parents who have been commanded by the Lord to bring up their children in light and truth (see D&C 93:40).” (Mothers Teaching Children in the Home, April 2010 Conference)

I think about the struggles that I have gone through and hope I can be a strength for my children. I am grateful for the gospel and hope that my children will have testimonies early on in their lives. I can’t yet imagine the trials they will have to go through as the later-days wind down. It gives me more of a reason to be diligent and keep my testimony strong.

David A. Bednar taught, “Spiritual warnings should lead to increasingly vigilant watching…This early warning system applies to children of all ages and contains three basic components: (1) reading and talking about the Book of Mormon with your children, (2) bearing testimony of gospel truths spontaneously with your children, and (3) inviting children as gospel learners to act and not merely be acted upon. Parents who do these things faithfully will be blessed to recognize early signals of spiritual growth in or challenges with their children and be better prepared to receive inspiration to strengthen and help those children.” (Watching with All Perseverance, April 2010 Conference)

What is Faith? (Faith VE1)

Alma talks of faith as a seed. As this seed is planted, it begins to grow. When I joined the church, I tested my faith just as in Alma 32 and found that my understanding grew. I have also been through many trials in my life, and they have tested my faith. Ether 12:6 is one of my favorite scriptures and has helped me through tough times.

Elder Kevin W. Pearson taught, “Desire is a particle of faith that develops within us as we experience divine truth. It is like spiritual photosynthesis. The influence of the Holy Ghost, acting on the Light of Christ within every human being, produces the spiritual equivalent of a chemical reaction—a stirring, a change of heart, or a desire to know. Hope develops as particles of faith become molecules and as simple efforts to live true principles occur. (Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, April 2009 General Conference)

Today in Relief Society, we talked about Faith. After breaking into groups, my group discussed 1 Nephi 13-17 when Nephi is asked to build a ship. The question was asked “What was the reward for obedience? And how does that apply to us and missionary work?” My response was that in verse 13, Nephi is told by the Lord, “And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led.” This can apply to us because as we are obedient and faithful, we too gain a testimony.

Elder Kevin W. Pearson also taught, “As patterns of obedience develop, the specific blessings associated with obedience are realized and belief emerges. Desire, hope, and belief are forms of faith, but faith as a principle of power comes from a consistent pattern of obedient behavior and attitudes. Personal righteousness is a choice. Faith is a gift from God, and one possessed of it can receive enormous spiritual power.” (Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, April 2009 General Conference)

Gifts and Talents (Indiv. Worth VE6)

I asked 3 people who know me well (Bryan, Kathy, and Keturah) to list some positive qualities and talents that I have. According to them, the positive qualities that I have are: patience, self-control, modesty, virtue, the ability to be a good friend and a friend to everyone, willingness to serve others, perseverance, the ability to learn and to teach, dependability, organized, the ability to prepare for the future, and a desire to do what is right. In addition, my talents include music, crafts, and baking.

Gifts of the Spirit that I feel I have been blessed with include: word of knowledge, discernment of spirits and operation (discern whether a teaching or influence comes from God or from some other source), gifts of leadership and organization, and the gift of charity.

I hope I can continue to develop the gifts I have by using them. I think many of these gifts are useful in sharing and teaching the gospel, which seem to be themes in my callings thus far. I think I also have an unofficial “calling” of helping others in more prominent positions. I have a history of stepping aside to more charismatic leaders, while the guts of the job at hand are under my control.

I am not certain what Heavenly Father’s plan is for me, but I know that I have been humbled more than a few times trying to be someone I’m not meant to be. Nevertheless, I know that everything I see in myself will have its turn to shine. It is merely a question of when.

Looking for the Positive (Indiv. Worth VE5)

For two weeks, I was supposed to notice and acknowledge positive qualities of others. Trying to remain uplifting and find positive qualities of people turned out to be harder than I thought considering I seemed to be surrounded by people that do a good job at finding everyone else’s faults. Here I was trying to be nice to people and my co-workers were bashing each other, family members were complaining about the stupid drivers, and the 14 year olds in my Sunday school class were…well, being 14 year olds. Honestly, I just wanted to say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Seriously, though, I think when I get a chance, I am going to do an activity in my Sunday school class that involves writing down something nice about each person. I’m hoping that might help inspire them. We will have to see. I remember we did something like that each week in the Institute Women’s Association (formerly Lambda Delta Sigma). Each week we wrote something to one person. It was always a pleasant surprise and very cool to just know that you were thought about when it turned out to be you, especially if you were having a rough week.

One thing I have found myself doing lately is seeing the people around me as children, especially my co-workers. It definitely makes things interesting. Seeing both their positive and negative qualities, I have been trying to be more charitable and wonder how our Heavenly Father sees them. Coincidentally, I also wonder how he sees me. What is it that I need to work on and what child-like qualities do I have that I should keep?

My Family History (Indiv. Worth VE4)

Genealogy has been something my mom and I have worked on for years. For my Personal Progress Value Experience, I've decided to post two of my main lines on my blog in the hopes that I might help someone else doing there genealogy as well as find someone that might help me find the information I am missing.

The first line is the Shippee line which my mother and I have gotten back 7+ generations on. I have been watching NBC's show "Who Do You Think You Are" and have had a resurgence of working on my Hodge line thanks to the episode with Sarah Jessica Parker. I don't know if I connect to the same line; however, it is highly possible.

I unfortunately am stuck on Phebe Hodge. She was born c. 1819 in Winsted, CT; married Seldon Holmes Brown 10 apr 1835; and died 24 feb 1872 in Canton, CT. The Perrett-Haynes line has also been a dead end. Recently my mother acquired a copy of the marriage certificate for Thomas Perrett and Ann Eliza Haynes from England. They were married 14 apr 1850. That's as far as we have been able to get.

The second line is the Lachance (dit Pepin) - Roy line. Last summer, I visited the LDS Family History Center in Salt Lake City, UT. I was able to finally find a copy of my great grandfather's
birth certificate (b. 1890 in Maine). A few months later, I was able to find a copy of a document on google books. This document is a Canadian Archive for 1905 and includes a Genealogy of Beauce, Quebec.

Because of this awesome find, I've been able to get back several generations on the Roy line. I am still stuck on the Lachance line, though. I haven't quite figured out who Napoleon's parents are.

I do have to say that I've really been enjoying "Who Do You Think You Are." It's been really cool to see celebrities doing there family history and getting to know who there ancestors are. I can only hope that I will be able to find stories that are as touching as some that they have found. I do know, though, that there is a very special feeling to know that families can be sealed together through the power of the preisthood and the atonement of Jesus Christ. As we celebrate Easter (a celebration of the resurrection), let us remember all those that have come before us, who we hope to know and love when life on this earth is through.

Patriarchal Blessings (Indiv. Worth VE3)

Last weekend, Bryan and I talked about patriarchal blessings with our Sunday School class. For those reading my blog that don't know what that is, it is a blessing that we receive from the Patriarch that is often seen as a guideline for our lives. It is different for everyone, but is the only blessing that we receive that is recorded and a kept in the church vaults.

I got my patriarchal blessing in January of 2004 about 6 months after my baptism. It was a new year and after I got my patriarchal blessing, I was dilligent in reading it often. I read it once a week for that whole year. After that, I wasn't so dilligent, as the words seemed too familar to get as much meaning from them as they should have. I actually misplaced the copy in my journal for several months last year. It was a relief when I finally found it. It turns out it had fallen out as I was nearing the end of the journal itself. I now have it tucked away securely in my new journal.

I decided to pull it out again this week and reread it. I remember most of what it says, but there are always nuances that one forgets. For insance, it reminds me to find ways to serve and love others. Truly that is part of the purpose of these value experiences in Individual Worth as well.

Personal Goals - Now & Then (Indiv. Worth VE2)

Reflecting on the past 10 years, my greatest accomplishments include finishing college and getting married; however, over the years some of the simplest things have had the largest impacts on my life. Something as simple as getting contact lens for the first time changed my life. While I can’t be certain whether it changed the way others saw me, it did increased my self-esteem.

One of my more personal resolutions one year was to be a better friend to others, which helped me strengthen friendships. During one year, I lost 30 pounds. Even though I have gained it back, I know I can lose it again if I put my mind to it. Moving out on my own was a huge step for me in being independent. I proved to myself that I could do things on my own, even though I would be married within the next year. Driving is the latest accomplishment and will open doors for me once I get in my comfort zone.

Overcoming my fears has also been an ongoing theme for me, even when I’m not sure what I’m afraid of. Death, pain, and loneliness are just a few of the fears I have faced in the form of doctors, airplanes, and cliques. Finding my faith and joining the LDS church has helped me overcome those fears and find peace in my life. I have been truly blessed by my knowledge of the gospel.

My hopes and dreams for the future include having a job that I enjoy, getting my debts paid off, and starting a family. I am working hard at learning all I can right now at work so that I can pass the PG exam when I have built up enough time to sit for it. Having my Geologist license will open up opportunities for me that are not available to me right now. My main goals for this year, however, include getting healthy again so that when I finally get a second transplant, I will have a better recovery. I also am trying to have a more positive attitude and be a happier person with the hopes that it will become contagious.

Overcoming My Road Block

Today I drove down to the DMV with Bryan and finally took my driving exam. It took me forever to in-line park, but I was so afraid I would hit the cones that I backed in and out about 5 times. After driving around the block and forgetting how to park on a hill (in my defense, I did get this correct on the written exam 14 years ago), I got back to the office and was told that I had passed. After years of having a Learner's Permit, I finally have a real License. I'm not sure how to feel. I don't think I really like driving, but it is definitely a relief to be able to. I've lived 31 years without one, so it is going to take some time to adjust to this new freedom I have.

I forgot to mention that I slipped and fell in the parking lot on the way to the car to go take the test. I now have a huge bruise on my back from falling against the edge of the sidewalk.

In Heavenly Father's Eyes (Indiv. Worth VE1)

In Psalm 8 (which must be read in its fullness to understand), David seems to be humbled that out of all God’s creations, man receives glory, honor, and dominion over all things. When I look at the universe in its glory, it testifies to me of just how omniscient and omnipotent our Heavenly Father is. How many of us haven’t felt small in such an immense and beautiful world.

So why and how are we important? Because Heavenly Father loves us and knows us. In Jeremiah 1: 5, the Lord tells Jeremiah that before he was born, the Lord knew him, sanctified him, and foreordained him to be a prophet. Similarly, Abraham was shown the intelligences before the world was and was shown that many (including himself) were foreordained to be great leaders. We might all be foreordained to be prophets or great and noble leaders, but God knows us individually and He knows what we need. He has a plan for each of us that will lead us to eternal happiness and celestial glory.

Happiness and glory are what he wants for us because he loves us. And we should desire that for each other. In John 13:34, Jesus teaches to love one another, just as he loves each of us. The Doctrine & Covenants tells us that the worth of souls is great, for the price of Redemption has been paid. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). That is a humbling truth, as well as a testimony of how much the Lord loves us. It gives a powerful meaning to what charity is.

Beginning My Journey

This year, we have been challenged by our Bishop to come up with a personal goal. At the same time, the church is opening up the Yomen Women's Personal Progress Program to any women that want to do it. As I am a convert and never had the opportunity to be in Young Womens, I thought that it would be the perfect thing for my personal goal this year. Since I set this blog up (exactly a year from today) and haven't been using it, I will try to use this blog as my place to document my progress.