A Day of Rememberance

July 2001: My mom, my bro, and I were in NYC trying to catch a glimpse of Lady Liberty (albeit her backside from Battery Park) on our way home from our New England trip when Matt wanted to see the twin towers and get a photo for some strange reason. So we drove by and I tried snapping a photo for him from the back window of the car. Sadly, all I could think about as we drove by was "isn't this the building that had a bomb attack a while back?"

Sept 11, 2001: I was in the Bellamy building when we were all told to leave our classes which were less than a mile from the 22 story capitol building (of a state with a governor who was the brother of the president). My seat was right at the door and the message to leave gave me goosebumps. Walking outside, you had a perfect glipse downtown and the capitol (this was before they allowed all the new highrises to be built). It was a day of uncertainty and disbelief.

So much has changed in my life since then. I've been engaged twice, graduated 3 times, was taught to gospel and became a mormon, met my eternal companion and was married, got 2 new kidneys, finally got my driver's license, learned to live on my own (but also learned that I don't like being on my own), learned to live with others (and try to love them), and most importantly learned that Heavenly Father has a plan for me even if it isn't what I think it should be.

Seveal months ago I met a man who was a first responder at the twin towers. He told me he shouldn't be alive. He had fallen 2 or 3 stories into the basement of one of the towers and somehow survived. He had been treated for injuries and evenually because of some antibiotics, his kidneys were damaged. He was at Shands as a potential transplant recipent and asked me a bunch of questions about the process. It was definitely a hubbling experience.

In the days after 9-11, I was on an astrology message board late one evening and one of the posts that struck me was one from someone who had a dream about the thousands of angels rising from ground zero. One of the replies was the interpretation of the souls who were lost that day being taken to a higher place.

Bryan and I just read Alma 14 where innocent people are burned for there beliefs and Alma is restrained by the spirit to be able to save them. In verse 11 he says to Amelek, "...The Spirit constraineth me that I must not stretch forth mine hand; for behold the Lord receiveth them up unto himself, in glory; and he doth suffer that they may do this thing, or that the people may do this thing unto them, according to the hardness of their hearts, that the judgments which he shall exercise upon them in his wrath may be just; and the blood of the innocent shall stand as a witness against them, yea, and cry mightily against them at the last day." I think about that and hope that both the souls of those we lost and their families and friends can find closure.

Bryan and I have been watching the Science Channels special "Rising: Rebuilding Ground Zero." It's been really amazing what they have been working on. It will be awesome when they finally finish it all. And maybe in the next few years, we will get a chance to go visit and honor those we lost as well as those that have and are fighting for our freedom. And maybe I can once again see Lady Liberty, but this time up closer.

Charity and the Atonement (Knowledge VE3)

During State Conference, my thoughts were led to the Atonement. My testimony of the atonement has always been a more logical one rather than an emotional one. Knowing that the plan was set from the foundation of the world and that the atonement was necessary for us to return to our Heavenly Father, it is difficult for me to get upset about it. It is, however, humbling to know that no one else was strong enough or perfect enough to be able to take on that burden except Jesus Christ.

Teaching Sunday School and Family History helped me understand that all concepts in the gospel lead back to the Atonement. Without it, the blessings of the temple, exaltation and eternal life would not be possible. The priesthood and the purpose of the Earth would be in vain.

Today in Sunday School, another thought came to me. We were discussing the Epistles of Paul and I began to think about how Charity is the basis of all the laws and commandments, for Christ taught, “...Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” (Matt 22:37-40) We are asked to be like Christ and love each other as Christ and our Heavenly Father love us. John 3:16 comes to mind: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

After some scripture searches, I was reminded of Moroni 7: 33-48 when he talks about faith and how faith comes from the hope “through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal” but “he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing...”

It reminds me that charity is ultimately behind the atonement. Moroni defines charity as “the pure love of Christ.” This to me is a love that is so perfect that it could only be defined by an action such as the atonement and brings an even deeper meaning to being charitable and Christ-like. Moroni implores us to “cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail...” but charity "endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.”

Learning New Tricks (Knowledge VE2)

This experience involves talents. The talents I believe I possess involve the visual arts, music, understanding of math and physical sciences, and on a more personal note, I am a good listener and a practical problem solver. I am an INTJ (Mastermind). I tend to be more introverted, but in the past have tried to work on being more extroverted. I have found myself becoming closer to an INFJ (Councelor) as I get older. I would like to continue to improve and gain better skills in teaching, being more compassionate, communicating with others (especially those that are new to me), and sharing the gospel.

For this experience I am supposed to learn a new skill or talent that would help me care for my future family or home. Over the past 18 months I have taken first aid training, received my driver's license, learned Access and quilting, and gained some knowledge from all the DIY and HGTV shows I wound up watching in the hospital. Whether these will be useful for my home and family it yet to be seen, but I'm sure they will be.

Knowledge in the Scriptures (Knowledge VE1)

In the scriptures, we are commanded to increase our knowledge:
"A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels..." (Proverbs 1:5).
"Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding" (Proverbs 4:7).
"...study and learn, and become acquainted with all good books, and with languages, tongues, and people" (D&C 90:15)

Knowledge and wisdom are not given to us all at once. Just as any other spiritual gift, we must work at it, responsibly use it, and be open to the spirit or we will lose it. The Lord gives us wisdom and knowledge " line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little...for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have" (2 Nephi 28:30).

We are commanded not only to "seek learning, even by study and also by faith" but to teach one another that we "may be instructed more perfectly" in the things that are necessary for us to "be prepared...to magnify the calling whereunto I have called you, and the mission with which I have commissioned you" (D&C 88:78–80; 118).

Doctrine and Covenants explains why we must continue to learn and teach. "Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection. And if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience than another, he will have so much the advantage in the world to come" (D&C 130:18–19). Put another way, "It is impossible for a man to be saved in ignorance" (D&C 131:6).

Gaining knowledge has always been important to me. The more I have learned, the closer I feel to understanding a small fraction of what our Heavenly Father must know and feel. For me, though, the hardest things for me are the lessons that come through faith.

For the past 2 months, I've been fighting with a virus that I got from my new kidney. Since last Wednesday, I've been in the hospital being treated. The same day I came down, Bryan got into a car accident. He was ok and was able came down this weekend, but had to leave this morning since he started to get sick. So I'm once again alone. And even though I'm feeling better physically, and I know that I have been truly blessed, I'm starting to feel overwelmed and a little emotional.

Maybe it's the lack of sleep or side effects of the meds, because I know everything is happening for a reason and that I need to have faith. I just wish sometimes I had a glimmer of that reason. In a book I'm reading right now ("And Another Thing..." by Eoin Colfer), Ford tells Arthur, "Life is about moments...That's the secret. Moments are longer than you think. If you add up all the moments, then, you know. It's like ages." Someday I'm sure I'll look back and appreciate the moments. I just hope that time comes sooner than later.

Rise 'n Fall

After a 5 month hiatus from my blog, I'm back again. It has been a crazy past 5 months. The Fall is almost over even though the weather has been more like an Indian Summer. It is finally getting cold and Christmas is right around the corner.

I have been in the hospital more time than I wanted to, but the good news is that my kidney is doing fine. After switching medications and 2 rounds of plasmapheresis, I'm finally doing well with monthly infusions of Simulect. My creatinine is down near 1. I haven't had that kind of number since a was a child. However, I got the CMV virus from my new kidney and now I'm on IV treatments twice a day. I've been able to do to treatments at home, but there has been a real fiasco with the meds.

As I write this I am hooked up to this rather large IV pump thanks to Medicare not paying for the portable medicine bottles that don't require such equipment, which the pharmacy sent me for 2 weeks by accident. They were pretty cool. Now I have to figure out how to travel to Shands for my appointment this week. Hopefully, I will be off of this before Christmas.

In other news, I am going to continue to work on the Young Women's Progress. I have 2 values finished and 6 to go. I am currently working on Choice & Accountability and Knowledge. These will be my next entries in this blog.

Independence Day

Two weeks ago, Bryan and I were visiting my family for the 4th of July weekend on the East Coast of Florida. We had a great time. I even got to see my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew who came up from Vero Beach. Monday morning, we planned on meeting up for breakfast before we left. But at 8:15 am, I received a call from Shands. They had a kidney for me if I wanted it.

So we got ready, quickly packed our stuff, said our goodbyes, made a number of frantic phones, and left for Gainesville within the hour. After getting there in good time, checking in, and finally getting all the usual suspects done, they found that my potassium was way too high for surgery and had to dialyze me. So after much ado of filtering, I was finally moved to outside of the OR. Realizing that they didn't check my potassium at the end of dialysis, they had to try and get a blood sample. After about 3 attempts, and 2 bad readers, the doctor said, "Ok, lay her back. We're going for the jugular." Well, that was fun...and then I was in the O.R...and...

Next thing I knew it was 4 am and they were transfering me to my hospital bed. I recovered in good time and was able to leave on the Saturday after, though I had to be back down in Gainesville for Clinic on Monday. The first week after was rough. I gained 20 lbs of fluid and by Thursday, had luckily lost it. The second week was not quite as bad, but definitely a challenge to push through the weaknesses and pain.

The Plan of Salvation (Faith VE6)

My testimony of the plan of salvation began with my search for a spiritual purpose. I am a scientist; however, that doesn’t mean that I cannot believe in a higher power and a higher law. I have always believed that we are not alone and that our souls are infinite. The thought of the spirit, the essence of the soul, dying terrified me. Going through my trials with my health, I always felt that there was someone or something watch over me. I dabbled in many forms of religion and spirituality for the first few years of college. It wasn’t until I investigated the LDS church and the missionaries taught me about the Plan of Salvation that something in my soul stirred up to remembrance of a truth that I knew all along.

In the pre-mortal existence, our spirits (or intelligences) were organized and we helped create the Earth. We are then born into mortality forgetting our previous existence due to the veil. We gain bodies and experiences that will prepare us for after this life. When we die in this mortal sphere, our spirits go to the Spirit World which is on Earth, but is separated by a veil. This veil can be thin at times. The spirit world is separated into “Paradise” and “Prision.” Here we will continue to teach, learn, and progress before we will be judged. When we are finally judged and resurrected, we will be placed in one of 3 degrees of glory. The Celestial World is the highest and is also separated into 3 levels. This is where our Heavenly Father resides. The following is my depiction of the plan of salvation.

The plan of salvation is a test of our faith and is not possible without the atonement. Without making the choice to follow our Heavenly Fathers plan of redemption in the pre-mortal existence, we would not have the plan. In addition, without the atonement, the resurrection would not be possible. We also would not be able to progress and become like our Father in Heaven, and our family relationships would be for naught. The plan of salvation helps me know that there is life after death, and my choices and actions in this life will affect my future in the next. It is simple yet powerful truth that means so much to our purpose of life.