Faith Through Doubt

My struggles over the past 7 years include 2 kidney transplants that failed along with secondary issues: temporary diabetes, shingles, Guillian Bairre syndrom, CMV, blood clots and skin ulcers. After my last transplant, my fiscula clotted leaving me with no more options for accesses. And after the transplant failed, one of the local doctors gave me little hope of another transplant.

During the struggles when things got worse, I started to question my faith. With little hope from others, though, doubt starts to creep in.
Doubt is the opposite of faith. If faith is a hope for things that are true, can we, therefore, say that doubt is a hope for things that are false? Is that the same as a lack of hope?

Did I have no hope? Did I hope for things that were false? Did I hope for my trials? Or was the inevitable situation shown to me by the spirit: the truth that my trials are not over. This was the nature of my "faith crisis."

My conclusion is the latter. I certainly don't wish for my trials even though I am told they might happen. I have faith that it will only be temporary. Though it still begs the question, if trials are true and we have faith, does that mean we hope for them?

Not necessarily. Did prophets that foresaw possible destructive future events want them to happen? I don't think so. Revelation is a source of knowledge. And knowledge trumps faith leading us to responsibility. If that is the case, then what am I supposed to be responsible for? I am not sure yet. Maybe it is to help others as well as myself endure to the end.

I am on dialysis again now waiting for a 3rd transplant. I am in the hospital with a skin ulcer that got infected. Why am I going through all this? Why can't I just have a "normal" life. When will it be my turn? I do not know. I'm sure there is a reason for my trials, but I try to hold on to the fact that I know that there is more to my life to come. I am here for a purpose.

I will admit that I have thought about what it would be like on the other side of the veil. And honestly, I think I would be lonely. Even though I have family there. As alone as I may sometimes feel here, I know I am not. I also know that I haven't finished what I'm meant to do here. I can feel the spiritual potential in the air. I don't know why it's not my turn yet. The timing isn't right I suppose. Maybe the world isn't ready for me yet. But soon...

Remembering our Covenants (DN VE6)

When we take the sacrament, we are to remember and renew our covanents. The following are the two sacramental prayers:

O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it, that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him and keep his commandments which he has given them; that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen.

O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this wine to the souls of all those who drink of it, that they may do it in remembrance of the blood of thy Son, which was shed for them; that they may witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they do always remember him, that they may have his Spirit to be with them. Amen.

We are to remember Christ and who we are as Christians including our devine nature and individual worth. When we are baptized, we promise to not only to keep the commandments but to help others in need. Christ taught that the first great commandment is to love God with all our hearts, and the second is to love our neighbors.

For Personal Progress, I am supposed to do something each day for 2 weeks to remember these things. For about 6 months now, I've had the Christian music channel on in the car so I listen to it to and from work everyday. It has helped me reflect, ponder, feel the spirit, and be in a more positive mood (even if I am not in a very positive one). It also reminds me that there are others out there that are good people and that the gospel is going forward. It inspires me to try to be a better person and to share the gospel as well.

Recognizing my Prince (DN VE5)

For the past several months, I have been working on the task of being a kinder and more patient person. Sometimes the ones we can most often overlook are the ones right in front of us. Bryan and I have been through a number of trials together since we have been married. It is definitely more difficult when we are both struggling because it is hard for one of us to help support the other.

It is also more difficult to forgive each other and ourselves. I find my self being angry that I feel alone in my trial and then angry because I can't be there for him to help him through his. When we got married, the spirit whispered to me to just love him. And in my last temple trip, the same spirit whispered to me to loose myself in the service of others.

I have been trying to find a way to serve him. I know I am here not to burden him, but to make him stronger. I am here to support him and to help him see his full potential.  And on that note, for Valentine's Day, I want to share what I know about this amazing man in my life:

He is son of God with a devine and royal birth right. He is being tested (as we all are) to prove his worthiness for the greater blessings that his Heavenly Father has in store for him. He is kind and slow to anger. He is intelligent and open to learning and improving himself. The name Bryan is Celtic meaning "brave or virtuous." He's not affraid of trying new things and finishes what he starts. He is a seeker of truth and he ponders the mysteries of the universe.

I couldn't have asked for a better companion to travel with through this unexpected journey. I see his potential and the prince that he is and hope he does to.

Nurturing Our Divine Nature (DN VE4)

After reading and listening to several talks on motherhood, two key elements are brought up time after time: to nuture and to teach. One definition of nurture that I found is: to care for and encourage the growth or development of.  This is a bigger concept than just the physical more obvious portion of nurturing that we think of. We are all different. Some women are highly affectionate. I am not one of those women. I can be affectionate when it is needed but I am definitely stronger in terms of mental and spiritual nurturing. And that is just as important. We need to teach and be examples of faith, wisdom, and charity.

On facebook I asked the question, "what do you feel are important attributes for being a mother?" The top answers were: patience, selflessness, and having a sense of humor.

I think if we haven't had an "opportunity" before to learn patience, we will with children. And a sense of humor is in essence seeing the world through God's eyes. I think it just comes down to selfless love: to be aware of the divine nature of another individual who is looking to you for guidance and to love them for who they are and who they can be. That is a skills I have been working on for sometime, and might never truly master.

I currently am overseeing 6 interns at work and have to help give them tasks based on their talents, interests, and commitment level.  It has given me some definite experience in teaching and helping others progress in their talents. It has also in many ways helped me to be patient and kind. And I look over them as I do all my friends. Though I can only show them the path; they are the ones that must choose to take it.

Peace Amidst Drama (DN VE3)

“If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but … ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world” (John 15:19).

Elder L. Tom Perry in an April 1988 Conference talk explains that from this teaching comes the common phrase, "to be in the world, but not of the world." He states, "It is 'in the world' where we have the privilege of coming and enjoying a mortal experience. It is 'in the world' where we are tested and tried. It is 'in the world' where we have opportunities to participate in sacred, saving ordinances which will determine our postmortal life. It is 'in the world' where we have opportunity to serve and make our contribution to mankind. It is to this world the Savior must come." 

The world today is full of drama: some are out to get gain, some cannot let go of the past, and some are lazy and expect to get what they haven't earned.  Add to that, the countless conspiracy theorists. So how do we find peace in a world with so much drama? We can start with the gospel. Understanding the plan of salvation helps us know of the love our Heavenly Father has for each of us. Even though we have trials, the goal is for us to reach our potential and be happy.

"Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy." (2 Nephi 2:25)

To truly follow the Savior's admonition to "love thy neighbor" we must share with them the gospel to bring them peace.  Elder L. Tom Perry in his talk also said, "In addition to being obedient to the word of the Lord, we have been instructed in our responsibilities to declare the gospel to all of our Father in Heaven’s children."

“And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!” (D&C 18:10, 13–16).

Our Father in Heaven knows what we are going through and knows both our wants and needs. Through the atonement, we can overcome our weaknesses. Through faith and prayer, we can align our will with the the Father's and better see the larger picture. If everyone understood these principles, we could overcome selfishness, fear, jealousy, hatred, and regrets much easier. 

Russell M. Nelson in an October 2002 Conference talk said, "Peace can prevail only when that natural inclination to fight is superseded by self-determination to live on a loftier level. Coming unto Jesus Christ as the “Prince of Peace” is the pathway to peace on earth and goodwill among men. He made a promise to us: 'Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.' (Matt 5:9)”

To Love Another (DN VE2)

As spoken both by the Apostle Paul (1 Corinthians 13) and by Moroni (chapter 7), charity is "the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him."

I have been working trying to be more charitable through getting closer to the spirit. I have been somewhat successful, but I have definitely had my share of challenges.  My capacity to tap into the "feeling" and "motherly" side has always been a challenge; however, I have found that I have become a more feeling person as I grow older.  With all that I have been through, my ability to relate and empathize with others has increased dramatically.  I still have times that it is difficult to get over the jealously and anger that comparing your life to others can lead to.  Trying to be happy for others and to love them, even when it seems that justice has some how failed you, is no easy task.

After reading the scriptures for this Experience, Colossians 3:12-17 touched me the most:
12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.
16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

Only through the atonement and the spirit can we have the revelations of the "tender mercies" and "small but mighty miracles" that our Heavenly Father places in our lives that allow us to love more deeply and increase our testimonies.  But we first must have and hold on to faith and hope, and pray for forgiveness and for our hearts to be changed.

Moroni 7:48 says "...pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen."

Divine Process (DN VE1)

Peter (2 Peter 1) teaches us about divine qualities. Looking at this as a process gives some interesting insights.
1. We start out with faith which is the first principle of the gospel. Alma discusses how we can retain this faith by planting a seed of the hope of faith.
2. To this we add virtue. We can think of this as cleanliness and purity. We need to work on removing those habits that are not pleasing to God.
3. The next quality is knowledge. We need to be seeking knowledge and be teachable. Here we learn about the gospel and can gain wisdom to strengthen our testimonies.
4. Temperance comes next. Another word for this is self-control. We need to "bridle our passions" and become masters of our addictions and weaknesses.
5.We then need to have patience with ourselves and others. We need to be humble, penitent, and forgiving.
6. The next stage of this process is godliness. We hear often that we should "put off all ungodliness." We should desire to do good continually and not have malice towards others. The word that comes to mind is to be sanctified, or to be made holy. We do this with covenants.
7. Peter says that we need next to have brotherly love. We need to care for each other as we have promised in our baptismal covenants.
8. Finally, we need charity, which is a higher order of love. It means we see others as the Lord would and desire to serve them. We also desire to do the service of God (D&C 4).

Alma 7:23-24 adds some additional qualities to this process. He says we need be submissive and easy to be entreated. In other words, be open to the promptings of the spirit and be will to do what is asked. We also need to be long-suffering and diligent in keeping the commandments. And we need to be prayerful and grateful.

 I have decided to work on charity through the first of these: to be more open to the spirit and be willing to do what is asked. To accomplish this I need to also work on my scripture study and being more sincere in my prayers.

Sacred Service (GW VE6)

Last weekend at Stake Conference, one of the major themes was temples and family. With the temple, I was pondering the meaning of the word Sacred. After doing some research found that the root meanings include "dedicated," "holy," and "binding." It is derived also from words that mean "to make holy or consecrate." The word sanctify is derived from different words with a similar meaning as this.

Service is derived from roots meaning "to perform work on" as well as "obedience" (which as a side note is derived from a similar root as audience meaning "to listen and perceive"). When I think of service, I also think of sacrifice. While sacrifice in a general sense means "something given up for the sake of another," its roots come from the same word a sacred.

The temple is a sacred place where we make covenants, are sanctified, and perform service. Temple work is a culmination of all these things and the climax of charity. We know that every soul will have an opportunity to hear the gospel, whether it is in this life or in the spirit world. They will have a chance to accept or reject it, but in order to gain exaltation, they must have sacred ordinances performed. We are able, by proxy, to do this work for them and to seal our families together for eternity.

I think this is one of my favorite pieces of the gospel. It is one of the reasons I know that the truthfulness of the gospel has been restored on the earth. Temple work is not new and is mentioned in the New Testament by Paul. It is sacred, though, and personal. The experiences we have in the temple are between us and the spirit. For these reasons, it is difficult to express the emotional and spiritual value of it, but for me it is somewhere where peace, joy, and love meet.

Service and Individual Worth (GW VE5)

Today during Stake Conference broadcast, we heard from M. Russell Ballard. He shared the story of Woodruff Wilson's last vision of Joseph Smith and others in heaven being in a hurry because, being in the last dispensation, there was little time to get everything done.

With the thought that we should all be in a hurry, Elder Ballard talked about the value of a soul and then gave 4 things we need to focus on:

1) Strengthen Home and Family;

2) Strive to Protect and Save our own souls and other church members;

3) Strive to save the souls of those that are not yet members [through gospel-centered homes and looking for ways to serve others]; and

4) Strive to save souls who have departed this life [through genealogy and temple work].

He also pointed out that the atonement makes the blessings of eternal life possible. He shared a metaphor of individual worth being like a seed that grows into an apple tree. Finally, he reminded us that those of us that have received the gospel are expected to share it with others; however, ultimately, we are accountable for our own souls.

Sharing the gospel with others is one of the greatest gifts we could give to another. If we love them, why wouldn't we want to offer them hope, peace, and the promised blessings of eternal life? And why is it so hard to share this amazing gift? As a convert, I try to look back and remember what it was like when I was investigating, how odd this story of a 14 year old boy was, and why I had never heard of such things before.

I remember being skeptical of the Book of Mormon, and reading as much as I could to see what was really on the pages of this book. But after reading and pondering I knew that the words could not lead the soul to do anything but good. I have a testimony that the Book of Mormon is true and Joseph Smith was a prophet.

I hope those that read my blog that aren't members of the church will plant a seed of faith to ask and find out for themselves that this gospel of happiness and individual worth is true. For those that are reading this blog and are members, let's take is opportunity this year to reread the Book of Mormon and strengthen our testimonies, our families, and our individual worthiness.

Serving in the Community (GW VE4)

Through my work, I serve the community. Even though I get paid, I like to think that I help to make people's lives a little better and safer through research and data management. I have worked on projects that help to find sand for beach replenishment as well as help to keep our water supply healthy.

Over the years, I have also served in the community through a number of organizations. Whether it wrapping gifts for underprivileged children, raising money to eradicate IDD, or helping out with a Girl Scout troop, it has always been a desire of my heart to be able to help others. I haven't always understood why, but always knew it was the right thing to do. After gaining a testimony of the gospel, things have become much clearer.

We are all trying to make it back to our Heavenly Father and to become like Him. We can do this by serving one another and using our talents to help each other. Sometimes serving others is difficult, especially when it doesn't seem to be appreciated. I have felt that way a few times in my life. I know, though, that my efforts don't go without being noticed by my Heavenly Father, and I can only hope that I can make a difference in someone's life.

Reflections for a New Year

It's a new year and I'm hoping for 2012 to be a new start. I have never been big on celebrating New Years Eve. Maybe it is just that December 31st is just not the time I tend to think about it being a "New Year." Just because it is the date that our paper calendar on the wall ends and we have to remember for the next 2 months what the correct year is on our checks doesn't make it significant for me.

I do like to take the time to reflect on the past year and January 2012 is becoming a month of cleanup and catching up, as well as getting some rest. I also have some goals, but really don't want to jinks them. I will definitely be revisiting them in a few weeks, but for now, I am going to tie up loose ends on my blog this month.

2011 was definitely a rough year for me. I was in the hospital 2 hours from home for 60 days of the year from the complications of my kidney transplant in July of 2010, was hooked up to an IV through May, and then had a fight with Guillian-Barre syndrome, which I wouldn't wish on anyone. I have been blessed that the second half of 2011 went much smoother and have been home. I was also able through the whole year to work a full 40 hours, and November 30th marked the final time I needed to apply for my PG license exam.

I completed the Value Experiences for Knowledge and Choice & Accountability, have 3 more Value Experiences to write up for Good Works, and I am working on finishing the Old Testament so I can start the Book of Mormon for both Sunday School and for the Virtue value of the Young Women's Progress. I also have been working over the past 2 years on the Value Projects and I am hoping to finish and post some of the write ups for those.

So lots to keep me busy and good things to look forward to in 2012.

Serving through Church (GW VE3)

In the church we have a number of opportunities to serve others. When we are baptized, we make a covenant to "bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things..."(Mosiah 18:8-9)

One of the ways we do this is through Visiting Teaching and Home Teaching. In the church, members are paired up with a companion. The priesthood pair up and visit the families of the ward while the ladies visit each other once a month. We bring a spiritual message and check on the needs of the individuals or families we are assigned.

The church also has periodic service projects and opportunities to serve both within the church and the community as a whole. When there is a major disaster, the church members are there helping to clean up and bring needed supplies to the area.

We also serve through our callings. Depending on the calling, our influence and ability to serve can vary. Nevertheless, we are able to teach and inspire those we are asked to serve through the spirit.

Service in our Families (GW VE2)

It is important to serve those that are the closest to us. And not only serve them but encourage them in positive endeavors.

A week and a half ago, we surprised my in-laws by decorating there house for Christmas. And this week, we went to a concert at Chiles and helped to support not only family but other youth from church and the community as a whole.

Sometimes, though, it is the small things that can make a large impact. Whether it is cooking a dinner when your spouse has had a rough day, playing with a child, or just listening to a friend, random acts of kindness become small reflections of our love for each other and help us to grow closer to each other.

We also must learn to ask for help as well as unselfishly help when asked and to be patient with others. We were placed in families for a reason. The primary one is to help us learn and grow. But these relationships will also follow us in the next lifetime, so even if we don't understand each other right now, we need to learn to also accept our personality differences and help each other progress.

Charity (Good Works VE1)

Charity is the pure love of Christ. I don't think it is a coincidence that it is also used as a synonym for service. The Savior taught us to love one another and to serve one another.

King Benjamin teaches that when we are in the service of our fellow man, we are in the service of our God. (Mosiah 2:17)

President Monson last night during the Christmas Devotional spoke of unselfish service as he recalled the story "The Mansion" by Henry Van Dyke.

1 Corinthians 13 is one of the most well known scriptures, and thought it would be an interesting exercise to read it by thinking about service and serving others.

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

Standards for Better Living (C&A VE6)

There are standards that the LDS Church encourages its youth to have. These standards include dressing modestly, remaining sexually pure, choosing uplifting media and avoiding offensive material (including pornography and profanity). Other standards include being responsible for the consequences of our actions, having gratitude, continually learning, building strong family relationships, and having friends with similar values, and being an example to others through service and faith.

These standards are found in the "For the Strength of Youth" Pamphlet. The first presidency says this about the standards in this pamphlet:

"We promise that as you keep these standards and live by the truths in the scriptures, you will be able to do your life’s work with greater wisdom and skill and bear trials with greater courage. You will have the help of the Holy Ghost. You will feel good about yourself and will be a positive influence in the lives of others. You will be worthy to go to the temple to receive holy ordinances. These blessings and many more can be yours."

These standards reflect the standards that are required to remain worthy to become a member of the church as well as to enter the temple and receive the blessings therein. On of these standards is following the Word of Wisdom, found in D&C 89. The Word of Wisdom tells us to avoid alcohol, coffee, tea and all substances that may be addictive, to eat meats sparingly, and to eat plenty of healthy fruits, grains and herbs in their season with a spirit of gratitude.

D&C 18-21 promises us that "all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones; And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures; And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint. And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen."

Even though I am a convert, I never really drank alcohol and coffee, and I believe I am healthier because of it and it has made my transplants much easier. Before my last transplant, I was able to also get in better shape and lost 10 pounds. I have since gained that back, but it helped me to recover faster from the surgery. I also know I can do it again and I am working right now on eating better and getting stronger.

After fighting CMV and Guilliame-Barre Syndrome, it has been difficult to do, but I have slowly been getting my strength back. I am just taking my vitamins, trying to watch what I eat, and exercising a little at a time. I hope in 6 months, I will be a little bit lighter and have less blood pressure meds to have to take.

Habits for Wise Choices (C&A VE5)

We are told to not only read the scriptures, but to really study them and take them in. "Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do" (2 Nephi 32:3).

And through "feasting" on the scriptures, we can gain wisdom. Heavenly Father will not just give us all the answers, though. We must ponder it in our hearts and pray about it. He expects us to be able to make a concerted effort make an educated decision and then bring it to him.

"...behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong;..." (D&C 9:8-9)

My patriarchal blessing tells me to read my scriptures and to include the recent words of the latter-day prophets. It also reminds me to say my prayers, and to do the things I should be doing. I haven't been the best at scripture reading or saying my personal prayers, but Bryan and I always pray together and we are trying to get better everyday.

Being in the hospital, I thought would make it easier to read my scriptures, but it didn't. Now that I'm out and doing better, I'm definitely trying to start making better habits. Ultimately, I know that having good habits and being in the right places can lead to having the Spirit with us. And having the Spirit with us can help us when we do have the big decisions to make in our lives.

The Influence of the Holy Ghost (C&A VE4)

We all are able to be touched by the power of the Holy Ghost. After we are baptized, though, we are able to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands. This gift allows us to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost if we live worthy.

It is through the power of the Holy Ghost that we can gain a testimony of the gospel, and as Moroni at the end of the Book of Mormon teaches us, "...when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things." (Moroni 10:4-5)

I have prayed and received a testimony of not only the Book of Mormon, but of the truths that I have learned from reading it as well as the other works of scriptures. I know that the gospel has been restored in its fullness and that the heavens are open. Personal revelation is very real through the Spirit. He not only can warn us and give us inspiration but is a witness of truth. It is through this truth that we can find peace.

John 16:13 says, "Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come."

The one place I feel the Spirit the strongest is at the temple. There is a peace there that can't be found anywhere else. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law" (Galatians 5:22-23). The Spirit speaks to us all differently, and if we are able to put our own thought aside for a few brief moments and listen, sometimes we can hear that still small voice of the Comforter.

Peace through Repentance (C&A VE3)

In the union at the university, we will get religious "fanatics" who come in preaching that everyone is going to burn in hell. This is a turn off for many, though for others it seems to be entertainment. The true gospel is a gospel of love, and preaching fire and damnation are not love at all. Secondly, no one wants to be told that they are being wicked, but especially not from a self-proclaimed "evangelical" who probably isn't very perfect himself. It does make me think of Samuel who was on the wall preaching near the end of the Book of Mormon. I wonder what they thought of him.

According to the Bible Dictionary, repentance is derived from the Greek word denoting a change of mind. In the scriptures, this comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God. After faith in the Lord, repentance is the next principal of the gospel and is necessary for our salvation. Once we have gained a testimony of the gospel, we are asked to repent.

Alma 34:30–32 says, "And now, my brethren, I would that, after ye have received so many witnesses, seeing that the holy scriptures testify of these things, ye come forth and bring fruit unto repentance...if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you. For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors."

So what does it mean to repent? It means that we acknowledge our sin, ask for forgiveness from the Lord and those we may have affected, try to right the wrong, and forsake the sin by not doing it again. We also must forgive ourselves. If we do not take the opportunity in this life to take these steps, it will only be more difficult in the spirit world. We will be the same in spirit as we are now. In addition, repentance is only made possible through the infinite sacrifice of the atonement. "For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent." (D&C 19:16)

Some people believe that you are "saved" once you are baptized. It is true that baptism by the proper authority is necessary for salvation, and Moroni calls this the first fruits of repentance (Moroni 8:25). However, even once we are baptized, we must continue to repent. Every Sunday, we take the Sacrament to renew the covenants we made at baptism. This is important for our salvation, for if we could only take the steps of baptism once in our lives, we would not have a way to progress. There is more than one kingdom of glory and we should not be satisfied with the minimum requirements.

Alma 26:22 lists powerful blessings of repentance: "Yea, he that repenteth and exerciseth faith, and bringeth forth good works, and prayeth continually without ceasing—unto such it is given to know the mysteries of God; yea, unto such it shall be given to reveal things which never have been revealed; yea, and it shall be given unto such to bring thousands of souls to repentance, even as it has been given unto us to bring these our brethren to repentance."

Repentance not only brings us wisdom and knowledge that can only be revealed through the Holy Ghost, but also leads us to peace and happiness, which also come through the Spirit.

"...the remission of sins bringeth meekness, and lowliness of heart; and because of meekness and lowliness of heart cometh the visitation of the Holy Ghost, which Comforter filleth with hope and perfect love, which love endureth by diligence unto prayer, until the end shall come, when all the saints shall dwell with God." (Moroni 8:26)

A Day to Be Thankful

Today is a day to be thankful for the blessings in our lives, and I thought I would take the time to share some of the things I am thankful for.

I am thankful for this country and the freedoms that I have, this time I was born in, and the technologies that make our lives better and more fulfilling.

I am thankful for my husband, who is my best friend and eternal companion and someone whom I could not have made it through the last five years without.

I am thankful for my health (part of which has been a great trial but made me stronger), the families of the transplant donors that have given me and countless others an opportunity for a normal life, and the blessings I have had to heal and overcome the complications.

I am thankful for my job, the opportunity I have had to get an education, and the ability to serve others and make the world a better place.

I am thankful for friends who are always there for you even when time and distance have become great dividers in our lives, for my ancestors who came before me, and eternal families.

Finally, I am thankful for the restoration of the gospel and the priesthood on the Earth, a Heavenly Father that knows and loves me, and the opportunity to one day become like him.

The Light of Christ (C&A VE2)

Whether we have made covenants or even have received the commandments, we all have the light of Christ with us. It is this light that helps us to know good from evil.

Moroni 7:16-19 says this about the light of Christ:

16 For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God. 17 But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him. 18 And now, my brethren, seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged. 19 Wherefore, I beseech of you, brethren, that ye should search diligently in the light of Christ that ye may know good from evil; and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ.

We are meant to progress in this life. By choosing the good, we can increase our knowledge and understanding, and this "Light" can be with us stronger. Light itself is a very unique thing. We know on the gospel side that light is synonymous with truth and with the spirit. In the scientific world, light can be related to energy, heat, reaction, and frequency. It is interesting to ponder this grouping of words and think of how the molecules we are made up of are affected by light.

Some of us choose unwisely, however, against the light and start a sad and lonely cycle of regression. I have met people like this. It is a sad experience because you have to accept their agency. All you can do is pray for them, be an example, and know that the atonement will be there for them when they are ready. On the same token, sometimes we are the ones that have found ourselves slipping in that direction. We can try and justify our actions, even though we know what we are doing is wrong. But we must not forget that it is never too late to reverse the cycle through repentance, remembering the miracle of forgiveness and the power of the atonement.

"This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all...if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin." (1 John 1:5,7)